i'm falling apart

everyone thinks that im happy and fine ,

but look a little closer ,

you will see tears in my eyes . 

behind my smile is a hurting heart . 

behind my laugh , 

i'm falling apart . 

i felt alone and nothing make sense ,

i'm facing everything myself , 

with nothing but tears and a fake smile . 

i know a millions words would not bring you back , 

cause i tried .

you will never know how it feels to have the one person who means everything to you , 

make me feel like i'm nothing .

I'm suffering because of you , 

but on the outside , 

i'm just pretending that i've forget you .

if i told you that i love you , 

you will love me back ? 

even though i realize that it was never meant to be , 

but still , it hurts .

you can never truly love someone until u find out what make them cry . 

but you never find out the reason why i cry . 

even it feels so much pain , 

i'm tired of you being the 1st thing i think about when i wake up !

but i'm still hoping that 1 day , 

i can feel even a little love from you :')

看吧

 

 如果你打开这个blog , 

你会发现，

99% 

都是关于你。

当你认真看完我写的东西，

你会流泪，

当你知道这一切，

你会后悔，

看吧，

这些就是我对你的"不在乎" ？

一年了，

你还是不了解我，

真是要谢谢她勾引你，

不然我不会看到你这么要脸的一面，

跟她在一起的时候，

你说想念我， 

说什么跟她在一起，

很不开心，

很像小孩子，

跟我在一起的时候，

骗我，

跟她独自两人。

原来，

你是将的人。

我会想了，

不像你，

越来越爱面子。

要不是我的朋友告诉我，

我就不会赶过去，

亏我还以为你真的改过，

但是你没有，

证明？

你连基本的“有了女朋友就要认”  你都不会，

证明屁？！

你答应我的事情，

都没有做到的，

我真的疯了，

一年，

我看着你变，

慢慢明白，

你不是对的人，

但我偏偏不会醒，

连我妈妈都叫我踢你一脚，

你想想吧，

每次你太迟回家，

不知怎样回家的时候，

是谁帮你三根半夜打电话叫人载你去我家住？

是谁宁原把房间让给你却去睡客厅？！ 

是谁偷偷关查你喜欢哪一个bag ，

然后第二天偷偷卖给你，

再给你惊喜？！

是谁每个monthsary 都会买一件衣服给你？

是谁每次想你的时候，

都会post 去你的wall 就算你只是like罢了？

是谁在你出车祸的时候，

花了一个晚上带你去抱扎你手上的伤口？

是谁在每次吵架先说对不起? 

是谁最了解你的家庭？ 

是谁在你不够钱交学费的时候，

帮你补充？？

是谁每天都主动说我爱你？

慢慢想，

只可惜，

你不会看华语。

但是，这些都不重要。

我有写出来就好。

我了解你，

所以当你说谎话的时候，

我都会知道。

不要再骗我了，

我受不起。

若我爱你要生要死，

你更会觉得我很好欺负。

告诉你，

我不时那么容易被骗的人，

有一天，当你一层一层打开我的心，

你会看到，

全都是你。

我恨你

我恨你 ， 很恨你 ， </3
好想离开这个世界，
你背叛我，我会背叛回你，
你到底要什么？
我能给的，我都会给你。

现在不会了，
我不再对你有感觉了，
我恨你99 。

说什么忘不了我，
说什么见她最后一次，
我呸！你已经跟我在一起就不可以单独跟一个女孩子出。

叫我相信你？ 事实在我眼前，你觉得我会相信什么？
等着瞧

27 MAY

babe , u've changed alot .
if there's nothing you can do for me .
then just leave me ,

i dont wan always argue because of someone , TIRED .
i hate it , it makes me confuse ,
if you love me , u will understand me and trying to do what i want u to do .
but u never do that .
say what im forcing you to do that ?
no , it just a test , testing you love me enough or not.

if you never care for me ,
why i want to care for you ?
we better off this way .

that day , i really touched by your words ,
you said - she is not your type , you treat her no that feel ,
all you wan is me .

YOU LIED ME ,
if you never prove it to me ,
i will not believed you in no reason .

P.S - I HATE THAT I LOVED YOU .

你就是死性不改

我没有那么大的把握和你在一起，
我很怕伤害自己爱的人，尤其是你。

我很恨我自己，不能给你什么。

对不起，我不能给你什么。
难道你以为我真的那么狠心吗？
那么狠心丢下你？
让你一个人想我和你分手的理由?
傻的，我只是怕会被你伤害第二次。
一个月，对你来说很心痛，
那以前我们的一年呢？不是更想死?
我没有能力给你什么，我们的性格不同，
我是个不可理喻的人，
只要我不满，不开心，就会冲动。
你说你要回我们在一起，
对不起，
我真的不能给你，
我知道历史会重演。
你不是很恨我吗？ 为什么还要挽回？
我没有心理准备在去接受新的恋情。
在我开始爱你的时候，
你却令我失望，
在我生气你的时候，
讨厌你的时候，
你却挽回，
我真的慢慢猜不透你的心了，
对不起，
我不配，
你的心，
我给回你，
我的心，
你留着吧，
我不要了。

I hate you

真的很后悔，当初把你爱的那么深。明明你是一个错的人。我却还相信我们有可能。我们不会再有可能，因为彼此伤得够深。我真的没有你想象的那样。我真的曾经相信你能给我未来，当我开始相信你的时侯，你却令我失望透底。我恨你

sorry.

just wanna say sorry to you about our relationship . 

i really can't tahan your attitude , it makes me so tired . 

you know de what should u do , but , u diao gao ga . 

at the end just wanna hold it back . its just too late .

u din think that you're wrong .

this was the thing that i don't like. always think that u're right .. 

please have a self - inspection on yourself did i suppose to change for you ? or you suppose to change your attitude ? 

"why u so simply say break on me" u said .

u know that ? this is the question that i wanna ask u since last year . 

u think back la last year la , u break with me . 

who is the most sad ? hurt ?  

someday you will understand what i say . :)

when you're gone

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side

When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too

When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through
The day and make it ok
I miss you

I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do reminds me of you
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do

When you walk away I count the steps that you take
[ From : http://www.elyrics.net/read/a/avril-lavigne-lyrics/when-you_re-gone-lyrics.html ]
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
And when you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too

And when you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through
The day and make it ok
I miss you

We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were, yeah

And all I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
And when you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too

And when you're gone
All the words I need to hear will always get me through
The day and make it ok
I miss you

2009 & 2010

suddenly saw this pic on my comp xD
i feel that im stupid in last year :/
i've do many silly thing last year =.=
see this pic >.< (p.s - please dont do this silly thng like what i've do )

25 march 2010 . this words cut on my hand :/
i will never forget the pain .

its feels like kinda funny , but , it is pain , but , the pain were not on my hand ,
it's in my heart :')
from that day , i've promise myself wont trust on guy anymore .

but , after that , i've found a new life with someone that i really appreciate with .
he makes me trust on everything ,
i never misunderstand with him ,
coz he never get closer with any girl that i dont like .
he know what am i thinking .
but , he never show it and prove it to me.
then we're end at 25 march 2011 :'(
i tot he were prove something ,
but , he never prove it ,
he just NATO only :(

2009 , 2010 , 2011 .
really appreciate this few years .
it makes me became a big big girl ! :')
i really miss the moment , those memories always appear in my life ,
i really miss it .

 2009 <3 our phone , this pic took at yoyo (lintas) it was a awesome day ! we goin to luyang from school by walking =.= its tired , btw , we are happy !! :D

shereen took this pic :) "H E L L" . haha.. 2009 :D


hmmmmmmmm , i really miss that time :')
i miss you all :)
<3<3<3

emo-ing good for health....

- saturday -
went to church for the healing night :)
when the father healing me , i was fainting and cry on the floor..
thank you for touch me and heal me god , now i'm feeling better :)





to you -
hmmmm , i duno where should i start to say .
just wanna thank you for these few days :)
thank you for makes me happy ,
thank you for your words :)
thank you for care me all the time.. :)
thank you for loving me..
thank you for accompany me ,
but , there is something that we cannot force to ..
maybe u will think i'm stupid .
all i've tell you are true that night .
sorry for make u feels hurt :'(
i feel so sorry to u ,
i will try to forget something that i cant forget :')


i dont want hurt anyone anymore ,
maybe i should start a new life with you.
maybe i should forget all the memories that i have before ? :')
hmmmmmm....

deletting u in my life___ 
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I AM WHO I AM

my dream man -
cheer me up when i'm sad ,
love me more than everyone ,
treat me good good ,
not close with other girl / "ENEMIES" ,
make me happy always ,
everyday the 1st 1 say "i love you" ,
cnt sleep earlier than me ,
bring me go anywhere i wanna go ,
cook for me ,
cnt break my heart ,
care me more more ,
everyday call me at night ,
tell me when he is busy ,
buy thing to me ,
cant forget my birthday ,
celebrate our monthsary everymonth :)

if you cant do this , dont say that u love me . :P
cause if u love me , u will do this :)

i miss you

i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you

HATE THAT I LOVE YOU

I LOVE U , I HATE YOU , I LOVE YOU , I HATE YOU ! T^T

FABBER CASTELL !!

现在开始只真心对你一个！ i love you babeeeeeeeeeeee <3

its hard to fall in love with someone .

its hard to fall in love with you , and also hard to forget about you.
finally , i say out my feeling yesterday .
i dn care what u feel now ..
but , all i said to u before was true .. all of my words.

i just wanna be alone . i dn wan anyone stay and care me .
just let me feel the pain .. and cry out with my feeling.
i feel so stress til i wanna DIE .
WHAT THE SHIT FEELING ?

i hate myself so so much .
why always cry because of u..
im SUCKS !!!!!!!!!

i hate the sucks feeling that i feel right now.
i really hope that i could disappear in this life.
i........................

hmm , i forgot what i wanna to write ady .
nvm la. just frget about it .
hope u're happy with the true love.